Friday, May 28, 2010

"Encouragement from Jeff Fisher"

Hello Dave and the 423 Men,

I'm so glad you guys are getting together in your meetings to be honest and to work on sexual purity.

God's goal for us is not just that we would be free of porn, lust or masturbation. His desire is for us to be "free of any hint of sexual immorality". He also wants us to be able to help other guys out of the bondage. The times when I lose hope in the battle and struggle are the times when I lose site of the Big Picture.

The consequences of our sexual sin are very hard to bear. The withdrawals we feel when we're breaking away from unhealthy sexual habits are tough. And the emotional surgery that has to take place deep within us can be challenging. I have found that the Bigger Picture and that the stories of other men have been big motivators God has used to help me stay on course and stay motivated in my recovery.

Just 3 years ago I was a pastor of a successful church plant in Buffalo, NY. I thought life was fine, but my in an out struggle with lust, masturbation and fantasy was too much. God pulled the plug on me and I was found out. It was the worst day of my life that later turned into the most important day of my life. Two mentor pastors that I loved intervened in my life. It wasn't pretty. It was messy. It set off the bomb in my life and the scrapnel began to fly. I lost my job, lost my ministry, and nearly lost my family.

My wife Marsha and I moved to North Carolina for a fresh start and to be near her family. God brought us to some wonderful Christian counselors in the Raleigh area who had training in sexual addiction. We each found groups to attend where we could share our junk and learn to be deeply honest for the first time. I had to get an accounting job and focus on my healing.

Our first year was so difficult. Everything came unraveled in my life, then in my wife's life. Nobody told me that it would have to get worse before it got better, but it was definitely the case for us. We hit many bottoms and the waves of consequences came fast and strong that first year.

Around the second year, my wife and I started to achieve some relational breakthroughs. Healing was taking place and we could think clearly together and hear from God. My wife thought it might be a good idea to put some of the resources we were finding on a website and share our story. I suggested we also do a blog. I had been journaling throughout my recovery time and had a lot that I thought would be good to share. We were not experts by any stretch, but we knew that there were so few talking about their sexual struggles, perhaps God would use our writings and links to help others. So we started Porn to

Writing for our site has been a great avenue of healing for me. It is a healthy outlet to take the energy, creativity and passion that I once dedicated to my sexual pursuits and funnel it out into the community is awesome! I had done some podcasting before, so I thought there was a need for a shorter, frequent podcast on sexual purity. That's where Top Tips For Sexual Purity came from.

Currently, facilitate a Men's Purity group of about 10 at a local church. My wife is still associated with the spouses group she attended and helps ladies on the side more. Our biggest joy is responding to emails we get from all over the world from individuals and couples who are struggling. Our goal is to offer hope, encouragement, and point to good resources. Most who write are just glad there's someone out there who is willing to listen. Many can't believe that we actual respond to their emails!

We love finding other sites that are helping men, women and spouses work on their sexual struggles.

I consider myself interlocked with you guys in the journey.

Stay strong guys!

Jeff Fisher
Raleigh, NC

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